Saturday, January 9, 2010

Love and Marriage...

My ideas about life and love have changed a lot since I was a teenager. In my teens I felt I knew enough about life to make adult decisions. Don’t we all? Sarah and I would day dream about life, the future. Two teenage girls with a limited understanding of the world. I use d to say I’d never marry because marriage was a fraud. Marriage was only an acknowledgment to the system of my love for another person. I didn’t need a piece of paper to represent my love for the person I’m with. I didn’t need a tax code to established that I had someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t need that… It’s funny. I moved to San Francisco and married the first guy I fell in love with. I just loved him so much and I didn’t want to lose him. I forced him into marriage. We were young. I was 19 and he was 21. Five years and two children later, we divorced. He found someone who did the things needed and I wasn’t mad at him. I didn’t really want to be in the relationship. I couldn’t please him in bed. I tried to do it just for him, but I had no desire to. After our second child the relationship was over. We divorced and I didn’t think I’d ever remarry. I didn’t want another man to please and that was the problem.

I met Tiffany at a divorce group meeting. I tell her the day I met her I knew I was a lesbian. We instantly hit it off. I was so attracted to her. She’d been married before too. That’s how we met. It’s been seven wonderful years and I’m so happy.

Sarah, I know you were the one who always wanted to get married and I wonder if you ever did. I know you’d make someone very happy. You were always the best at everything. I really miss you a lot. I trust all is well with you and that wherever you are, you’re safe. I miss you. Talk to you later.

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