Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Insecurities

Tiffany stayed out late last night.  That sounds bad.  I'm putting that wrong.  Sarah, do you remember what I told you about how we phrase our words?  That's what I'm doing.  I'm putting my words wong and it's showing the way I feel.  Can you see it?  I know.  I'm not being fair to Tiffany.  She's working late.  She's a hostess at a French restaurant. Some fancy investment bankers are basically buying the place for the night.  She's working later than usual. I'm home with the kids.  I just put them to bed.  It's my night off.  I have to work tomorrow and I wanted to at least talk with her before I went to bed.  Now I'm going to go to sleep without her.  There a lot there huh?  Yeah.  This blog would have to be a book for others to understand what I'm going through.  I've been cheated on.  It seems like every time I fall in love or trust someone something bad happens and I lose them.  Sometimes I really don't know what to do.  Is it me?  Am I the problem?  Do I sabotage myself or do I attract it?  Maybe I'm looking for it?  It shakes you.  You see the face which is unfamiliar -- the stranger.  How can someone you love be a stranger?  How can someone you know be a stranger?  How do you explain that?  I couldn't, I can't and because I can't, I'm punished.  I'm punished because I can't understand that question: How can someone you love be a stanger?  That's how it feels to be betrayed or mislead by soeone you love.  It's a nightmare.  Who can you trust if you can't trust someone you love?  That question poisons the world, causing us to mistrust people who really love us.  The truth! The truth is always.  No matter what you believe, truth is beyond understanding, because there is always more to understand.  My insecurity is unfair to Tiffany.  Tiffany is living her life, and she is sharing her life with me.  I said, "She stayed out late." She's working.  She's not staying out.  LOL...I know you're laughing Sarah.  You caught the phrase from the tone.  When you heard she was working you knew.  I made her somebody else.  "She stayed out late tonight"?  She's working.  I'm suffering though insecurity.  I know you know.  Your life was filled with loss Sarah.  I hurt for you because I know what you went through in life is far more than what I went through.  I feel it is an insult to compare.  I wish I could take some of your pain away.  All you know is loss honey bear.  Everything you love taken away... I don't know.  I'm here complaining about someone who truly loves me.  I feel you everyday Sarah.  I feel you everyday.  I trust wherever you are, you are okay.  The phone's ringing be right back...  It was Tiffany.  She was calling to check on Justice and Free.  She missed me too,  Insecurity.  It's unfair to the people who love you.  Hope you're okay.  Miss you.

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