The Experiment

There's this woman at my job named Amy. Every time I see her, it seems to bother me. I purposely avoid her. We used to be friends and in her mind, it seems we still are. She just doesn't get it. She'll text me and I refuse to respond. She'll ask me, "Did you get those texts?" and I'd tell her, "Yeah, but I'm really busy." I'll say it hoping she gets upset so we can fight and I will have a good reason not to talk to her. It's not that she's a bad person. She's a good spirit, but she gets on my nerves. I can't say anything without her already knowing the answer. I feel like I shouldn't even have a conversation with her. We had a lot in common years ago.

Amy and I both used to attend the same divorce group. We also worked the same shift at the hospital. We were the best of friends. That time proved to be a very difficult transition for me. I found Tiffany and together Tiffany and I found love. Amy didn't fit in that equation. I feel bad. The more time Tiffany and I spent together the less time I spent with anyone else. That's how the equation added up. In the beginning, I did my best to make time for Amy. I'd go out with her when I should have been in bed. I'd go out with her and wished I hadn't said yes. It wasn't the same. The bars and clubs we went to were all places she felt comfortable. Originally, she introduced me to these places and at the time of my transition, those places were fun. I enjoyed our time together. Our nights out became a wonderful distraction for me and then my transition became complete. I met Tiffany and came into myself. I finally understood myself. I began to understand my likes and dislikes. I began to understand my needs, wants, and desires. No longer did I live for someone else. No longer did I live to please someone else and sacrifice my life to do so. I got to know me and fell in love with myself. The bars and clubs didn't feel right anymore. I began to see Amy and her lifestyle in a new light, and I couldn't stand it.

In the years since then, Amy has continued being the same way. She goes out all the time and refuses to commit to anything. She meets a guy and he's either the man of her dreams or somebody she spends all her free time with and refuses to commit to. The man of her dreams always seems to be someone who could care less about her but she conjures up at deeper relationship in her mind. One guy she'd only seen six times and she was calling him her soul mate. She compared their relationship to me and Tiffany's. The guy didn't even give her his real name. Next thing I know, he's gone and she's holding on to hope of his return. Then the guy she spends all of her free time with can't get a commitment from her. She hangs out at the same clubs and bars we went to years ago. It's pathetic.

I'm not a mean person Cuddlebug. I feel bad about the way I have been treating her. I am one who believes that when we have a problem with someone it's because we want a problem with them. When you already have negative thoughts about someone, then your approach to them is negative. If your approach to someone is negative, then your interaction with them is negative. That person can never do anything right in your eyes. Some things they do are only annoying because it's them the doing it. If someone we favor does the same thing someone who annoys us does, our response is different. I recognize this and I don't want to have a negative response every time I see this woman who I used to call friend. Tiffany gave me some good advice. She told me to interact with her on a positive note and be honest about my feelings. She told me it's not always another person's fault when you feel a certain way. The reason she's so annoying is because that's what I made her out to be.

Amy invited me out for a drink this weekend. It's her birthday. Last year, I told her I couldn't make it. Not very many people showed and I wasn't surprised. I'm going to go this year and because of Tiffany's great advice, she's coming too. I think I need to be more supportive to Amy like she was to me when I needed her. We'll see Cuddlebug. I have to find a sitter. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck. I miss you.